|| left alone. *||

Monday, March 29, 2010

Stress man. Just glad I got my new phone. SE Vivaz. And laptop. Acer Aspire 5942. Core i7. And, also being promoted to Deputy Head of Admins in SC.

always waiting. -6:30 PM

Monday, March 22, 2010

So it was another Saturday night. Walking the streets, there were hardly anyone else. I felt down. I went to catch supper. The alleyway was darker than ever. Fear struck me. I briskly walked through it. I was finally safe, or so I thought I was. A still object moved from the corner of my eye. I couldn't turn back. It was pale, it was white. I sprinted forward. There was nobody in sight. No vehicles, no cars even on the main roads. Petrified, I continued running up. I didn't know what. I was too tired. Too exhausted. Fatigue overcame me but I kept pushing on. My muscles were failing me, but I was still forcing. My mind was blank. I tripped over the stairs, landing face to the ground. Floating feet was all I saw. I closed my eyes. I prayed hard. Something grabbed my arm and shook me violently. I opened my eyes. It was 7 am, just in time for school.

always waiting. -7:36 PM

Thursday, March 18, 2010

There I was. On the rooftop. Kneeled over in the middle. Streams of salted water flowed down my cheeks. God knows how many spiritual beings there were. It was 3 AM in the morning. I was scared. I broke down. I begged God for help. I wasn't sure whether he was helping me. So I just stood there. And cried, I kept crying. Hoping something miraculous would happen. Then it began raining. The sky as dark as ever. You could see the thick gray clouds in the black night sky. I lifted my face. They were everywhere. But somehow, I wasn't afraid. Droplets fell onto my face and covered my face like how the canopy covered the ground. It can't be missed. A bright light began to shine through the clouds. I thought I was dead. I thought, those spiritual beings had taken me. I closed my eyes. The ray had become so bright, it burned even with my eyes closed. A moment later, I was lying on green pastures. I was relaxed. I felt, good. I felt free, and I worried about nothing. So I spent the next few hours looking at the bright sky. Hours passed, days passed. The sky never grew dark. I got up and looked around. I saw him. I saw him. He smiled at me, and I went back on a flaming chariot. I closed my eyes once again. And I woke up safely in my mother's arms. That was then, my faith grew strong.

Touching story
We rode into town the other day
Just me and my daddy
He said I'd finally reached that age
And I could ride next to him on a horse
That of course was not quite as wide

We heard a crowd of people shouting
And so we stopped to find out why
And there was that man that my dad said he loved
But today there was fear in his eyes

So I said daddy why are they screaming
Why are the faces of some of them beaming?
Why is he dressed in that bright purple robe?
I'll bet that crown hurts him more then he shows
Daddy please can't you do something?
He looks as though he's gonna cry
You said he was stronger then all of those guys
Daddy please tell me why?
Why does everyone want him to die?

Later that day the sky grew cloudy
And daddy said I should go inside
Somehow he knew things would get stormy
Boy was he right
But I could not keep from wondering
If there was something he had to hide
So after he left I had to find out
I was not afraid of getting lost
So I followed the crowds
To a hill where I knew men had been killed
And I heard a voice come from the cross

And it said father why are they screaming?
Why are the faces of some of them beaming?
Why are they casting their lots for my clothes?
This crown of thorns hurts me more then it shows
Father please can't you do something?
I know that you must hear my cry's
I thought I could handle a cross of this size
Father remind me why?
Why does everyone want me to die?
When will I understand why?

My precious son
I hear them screaming
I'm watching the face of the enemy beaming
But soon I will clothe you in robes of my own
Jesus this hurts me much more then you know
But this dark hour
I must do nothing
Though I've heard your unbearable cries
The power in your blood
Destroys all of the lies
Soon you'll see past their unmerciful lies
Look there below
See the child
Trembling by her father's side
Now I can tell you why
She is why you must die

always waiting. -10:08 PM

Its only 9.35pm. I'm alone in the living room. I feel so, alone. so lonely. alone, to handle my problems. Alone, to handle my fear. In history of holidays, I hate this one the most. The only holiday week, that I didn't want. I feel so bored. And whn I am, im reminded of.... all those. Those troubles. Those problems. those fear. Srsly cant take it anymore. And I thought I was strong.

I've been shaken. This once, like no other. I need help. Just cant find it. My faith has flown.

always waiting. -9:36 PM

Tht'll be the last time I visit tht page. Im gonna forget about it. im nt gonna goaft the moon or stars. Becuz i cant jump tht high. I dun even wanna jump. Ill forget about it. Besides, ive been shaken. and this time, i knw i nid help. but i just cant find it. Watched hsm3 agn. man. it still can actually mix up my emotions aft tht many times. but lets face it. its nt realy, its impossible.

always waiting. -1:47 PM

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

I feel. sad. i wan to miss someone. but i cant. becuz its very realy, the fact tht. i cant get it. im feelin. i havent been myself these days. im just lazing around, with no life. thinkin bout this. thinkin bout tht. afraid of everything. scared. sad. tired. and, thrs nuthin i can do about it. its like being forced to run at max speed , aft running 10km. the feeling is nt tht bad, but u dread it. wad now.

always waiting. -8:50 PM

Monday, March 15, 2010

Its no longer my life. It nver was.

always waiting. -4:19 PM

Sunday, March 14, 2010

I'm still freaked out. Still feeling very scared. And I tink i need help. if im gonna get some sleep today, unlike last night. Ive told ppl about, went to church, got advices went to church. Its still stuck in my head. We'll have to get to the bottom of the problem.

What if we encounter one?

So we get a method. Two question follows.

Does it work? & Will I freak out?

Then a question follows.

What will I do if I freak out?

always waiting. -7:42 PM

So freakin scared. Ytd night, we gathered at the middle of the basketball court. lights out. we began telling ghost stories. The scariest was told, becuz those tht had experience, partially opened third eye, taoist, etc. were there. So yea went on and on... so fcking scared. But, ANY MORE TO SHARE? :D

always waiting. -11:44 AM

Friday, March 12, 2010

So unbearingly bored. nothin to do. and just keep thinkin of the wrong stuff. howd i just leave it thr. So hard to.

always waiting. -10:19 PM

We'll just leave it there. Till I get back. Till I'm forced to get back.

always waiting. -9:03 PM

Thursday, March 11, 2010

too lazy to blog. Feel like it, but lazy. Today's the latest day i stayed in school in a long time. Long long time... whn was the last time..

always waiting. -9:35 PM

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Dear school. Will u kindly please just die? Sick of it. Just drowning in music. Probably go crazy soon. cheers on tht. Imagine how life, is so interesting, whn u lose ur life, so much more beautiful, whn u hav the mind of a kid.

always waiting. -10:45 PM

Am I in stress, or am I just kiddin myself. Just too lazy. Star student. Am I just kiddin myself? Thn wads this im feelin right now. It feels so wrong, so tiring. Is it cuz of thm? How am i gonna fix tht? Stress comes frm thr? And workload and routine just adds salt to the wound.

always waiting. -10:05 PM

Yes, i do have this determination. It cant be beaten, seriously. At least it used to. Somehow, its just fading. Im so freakin tired.. I havent started any work, cant even do any single exercise today. Art.... 3-4 IPW Project works at once. How am I gonna survive. So tired. I cant possibly go on. But somehow, i just cant give up. I just cant, so i hav no freakin idea as to whr to head now. Haizz.

Just feel, that i cant go on. Maybe I watched the wrong shows, maybe I heard the wrong songs, maybe it was PE. Still, im tired.

always waiting. -8:08 PM

Monday, March 8, 2010

Its either A or B. Im so desperately confused. Im probably gonna split due to a nervous breakdown to get each way. Cant take it..... .:( Im gonna, just, crack.

always waiting. -9:04 PM

HI
Today, I feel like a kid again. But tht feeling sucked. Becuz im feeling depressed. Cant say why though, it just came too fast. Im nt sure either. Just feeling down, and tired, like a kid, and yeah. Life sux. Man why am i repeating tht. Everybody knws tht, except my aunt and some ppl tht dont hav their right minds or sort of.

No homework BY tmrw, but LOTSA WORK by this week. Gonna cry man. The workload, the workload. Skipped running today. Was tired. Blame the SC meeting and today's PE. I went crazy. Nope, im still crazy. Im always crazy. So much, tht i dun seem like one, or actually become not one. Thts probably just called normal.

Im tired. its 8.46pm. Im tired. Why. Closed my eyes. And I shan't say further. Ill just let thoughts and images flow thru till i fall asleep. Just got stuck on these 4 songs, and this mv. Goin into a sleep soon...

always waiting. -8:42 PM

Sunday, March 7, 2010

I'd like to shoot stuff like bullets into another guy's head. But Ill save tht. Becuz everybody has their own goods and bads. But i just wanna say, tht determination is a god damned important thing in survival. The difference between me, and another other truly classified emo ppl, is determination. Once agn, i really wanna put this guy down, but ill keep it. Agn.

Just a clarification, if u tink im stupid or wadeva crap for

SELF MUTILATING

, Id like to say

I DID NOT SELF MUTILATE

. The fact tht i found it NICE doesnt mean I did it on purpose.

And I find it retarded, even though thrs a reason. I dont tink its becuz thrs a sensation, but i tink its a distraction. In other words, Not willing to face reality. Thrs whr weakness comes in. How to prevent tht? Determination. Nothing can pull, a person with tht strength, in other words u can nver pull me down. Which is another reason to why no one can really tell who I am, or what's inside at all.

I wouldnt update on my wrist, cuz hardly anyone will notice or care, so yea. Even if u do, i dun tink i wan u to care :). Im just tht "self-centered" loner/solitaire.

With this strength I have, i believe i can achieve anything. (Definitely with his help.)

60-80% of christians have "backslided", and are pretty much no different from any free thinker, buddhist muslim etc. other thn some base knowledge.

10-20% are christians that focus so much on it, till they create a law, and they think its right, a law in which U HAV TO DO THIS or U CANNOT DO THIS. Clear cut stuff. Its no difference from pharisees. But thrs nuthin much we can do, theyre the most stubborn ppl as well. Prayer, would be the only cure. If he allows.

Alot of random things today, yea pretty much after i read a blog and found it so retardedly ridiculous, thinking he can explain something he doesnt even know. Some people just need to grow up. Some people just got to know the difference between mature and childish. some people just gotta knw right from wrong.

Im off to hell thn.

always waiting. -2:16 PM

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Once agn, ive no one to talk to, no games to play. Being isolated agn, being a loner agn. Just staring at the screen.

always waiting. -7:30 PM

Life seemed so pointless today. I felt free for the first time in awhile, and I have no idea wad to do. Gaming just aint the same anymore. I feel like, relaxing, maybe drawing agn. Listening to music, but thn agn. Its already 5pm. Just a few more hours of awakeness. Havent ran in 2 days. Its nt ez to find jogging or study mate. haizzz.

sigh...

always waiting. -5:14 PM

blah blah blah blah blah. History repeats itself. Whn will it ever change....

always waiting. -4:45 AM

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

So, my results have shone on me. I passed my chinese, excelled in math and science. Hmmm beginning to lose the point of it. I tried to study hard for this year. nah but i just cant. It always happens, whn there are no geeks around u.

always waiting. -9:46 PM

Monday, March 1, 2010

Ive just experienced true emotions. She let it all out, all out. Well, when did the head of sc's job become easy? Hmmm... she's slacked quite a bit, she knows she has. The first time i came into the sc board, i wasnt surprised. They were so slackish. I mean, how could it be a very proper and strict place. But it shld be, like whether its frens or not, enforcing full time punishments, hardly any conversation between members, just orders. No camps no nothing, just another law enforcing group in school, 101% strictness. Who'd become an sc. But well, i wasnt thinkin an sc board shld be something like tht, but definitely stricter. Somehow, i long for an organised, disciplined group of people. It makes things so much easier, whatever we do. So, i guess. Life just doesnt go according to how u want it, or even how its supposed to be.

always waiting. -2:49 PM

the one who waits.

Name:Sky
Bday:05/01

and they say

the forgotten memories.

June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009
October 2009
November 2009
December 2009
January 2010
February 2010
March 2010
April 2010
May 2010
June 2010
July 2010
August 2010
September 2010
October 2010
November 2010
December 2010
January 2011
February 2011
March 2011
March 2012
May 2014
June 2015

the music in my veins.

the roads that lead away.

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