|| left alone. *||

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Aunt: You need to understand she's doing a lot of things for you ...........
Me: Yeah, I've done a lot of things that you just don't know of.
Aunt: If you truly want to do it, you won't care if people misunderstand or whatever, you just do it because you want to do it, it's good etc. You won't care if people don't know.
Me: Okay.
Aunt: *A few chunks of essay*
Me: *Puts on headphone, blasts music.*
Aunt: If you don't do wrong things, you won't scared people say you.
Me(In my mind): Who's scared because of doing wrong things? I'm just not telling you all the things that I've done right, because I've done them because I want to do them, just like how you've said it :)

always waiting. -12:26 AM

Monday, December 27, 2010

I don't know if I've become a monster after today, but I like the feeling when people go on and on about something that you didn't do and you don't bother to answer them because you know it won't change anything, and then you pull out your headphones and blast the music, and leave them to fuck themself.

I'm gonna change, I swear, but this time. It's no more mr. nice guy.

always waiting. -11:51 PM

I can't believe it. My own mum. No, I can't believe it. Even as simple as not knowing what a word means, she doesn't believe me. She says I'm not trying, I'm lazy, I don't care. I had to cry, I had to shout. Only thing is, it changed something. She still didn't believe me. Instead, she thought I was dramatic. She thought I was exaggerating. She thought I ought to grow a brain. She didn't believe me. Such a fucking simple thing. I would've been able to forget such a stupid thing, if she didn't chant over and over again how I should've put in the effect, how I should've not don't care about her when she asked what that fucking word meant. Yes, everybody thinks it's a simple, like who cares? It's just the meaning of one word. Has anyone fucking told her, or anybody that lives, a son can be totally broken inside outside whatever, if the mom doesn't believe her son, something SO FUCKING TRIVIAL? Adding on to it, still have to point out how useless and how I'm not putting in the effort. Something discouraging, and something I fucking didn't do. Grief only because it's a simple thing. Exactly the point, because it's so simple yet she's tearing me down. What if it was something big? I don't wanna be in this house anymore. One day I'm gonna step out, and I'll try my best to never step in again, until it's mine. Fuck caring, I suck and I can't do it. Send me to hell for all I care.

And humans are always the same. So fuck them all.

always waiting. -10:22 PM

Friday, December 24, 2010

It hurts me so much when your parents love you and don't mean to do anything wrong but they do.
It hurts me so much they're trying their best, but they don't know it. And you try to change them but you can't.
It hurts me so much to know that if you were lifelessly following them, they wouldn't be happy, but they don't know until it happens. And if you really follow them lifelessly and one day they find out, they'll be heartbroken to know their mistakes.
It hurts me so much they're doing something they don't know is wrong, but if you finally tell them, prove them wrong, you'll feel good, but they'll be heartbroken. So what if you feel good? They're heartbroken. You want them to be?
I don't believe in retribtuion. It's bullshit. I believe one suffer is better than both suffering. I believe what's done is done. I detest retribution, it's bullshit. It's a positive feeling you gain categorized by selfishness. I grinded my principles into myself, and I detest that feeling. It's no different from doing drugs, it's all just opinions.
And, lastly I don't care if it hurts so much. I just don't want anyone to know, I don't want them to care. If they actually cared, wouldn't my efforts be down the drain? I'd rather do something selfless, not to attain fame or honour, not to show everyone, but doing it, because I want to do it, and then cry everyday, cry every night. Blog about it, and rant at an ant. I would feel happy, a negative feeling categorized by happiness. It's the same as self mutilating, except it's healing by hurting. But I wouldn't want anyone to find out... Or night cries will be true and all I've gone through is but a step back.

always waiting. -6:41 PM

Challenge physically, mentally but don't forget to come out shining.

always waiting. -3:39 PM

No more will I skate
Won't ever put on those blades
Won't ever go with the flow, spin or shave
It's just a moment too late

always waiting. -3:34 PM

Taken over by what didn't really matter.

Don't assume if you won't ask.

always waiting. -3:28 PM

Just take it to your heart and fix it.
Just pull it around and don't miss it.
It's not the first time, just mix it.
And in the end, it'll just freeze it.

always waiting. -2:46 PM

Thursday, December 23, 2010

I don't know man, just let the moves define you.
Let the music define your moves.
Let you, define the music.

Don't cry because I'm not there, be happy because I won't hurt you no more.
Don't cry because I wasn't there, be happy because I will.
Don't cry because it's too hard, be happy because it'll get easier.
Don't cry because you can't express yourself, write because someone will understand.
Don't cry because you can't understand, be happy you're understood. Be happy, because you made someone else happy. Whether either knows it or not.

always waiting. -6:17 PM

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

It's not something you say or do, it's just something you feel
The brush against a smooth desire, the ETE electrifying burns
The feeling of inexpressibility, feeling of putting it in words easily
Just pray on one higher, let the heart live like a mayor
All is well, without being well

always waiting. -5:28 PM

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Take a step back, fore' it drops on you
Aspire for height, but keep it low
Words are nothing, compared to actions
But they kill as much, as hell does

always waiting. -2:57 PM

Friday, December 17, 2010

Is she the one? Yes she is. She's it. But I'm not.

always waiting. -7:24 AM

Take a ride street 6
Nothing has changed
Only discovered
but nothing changed
if you won't dig
you won't find
if you won't die
you won't live
So take a ride street 6
Though nothing has changed

always waiting. -4:51 AM

They'll never understand if they don't want to.

always waiting. -4:50 AM

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Welcome to this game, just step in and aim
Roll the number, get the odds are higher
It'll never be a two, just one or three blue
It'll never work out, scream and shout
but it won't do no shit, just play it neat
Maybe if you're lucky, you get one of sixty three
But if you're not, just keep your lot

always waiting. -7:27 PM

I've been trying to figure everything out, things that people don't notice, thigns that people don't care about. Things that people don't even know exist. Analyse things deeper than any normal person. A big fan of scientific logistics? No. Just good.

always waiting. -5:24 PM

Monday, December 13, 2010

Someone's treasure may cost another's life, someone's dirt may be another's life.
Just as how I'm dying so hard inside and no one will know, but when I'm living strong in faith, everyone prepares my funeral.

always waiting. -10:44 PM

I extremely hate the feeling right now. The kind that would make anybody feel like disappearing or just dying. But I'm not just anybody.

always waiting. -10:35 PM

Death, not influenced by beliefs and such, we'll just be empty nothingness doing nothing with no feelings thoughts or whatever? Or one day, you open your eyes into the world as another baby, as another person. You seem to know you lived on this world before, but somehow cannot prove it. Could you alerady have been living for thousands or millions of times? Just with no memory of the previous.

always waiting. -9:46 PM

It's been a decade, living on the streets
It's been good, the life giving pretty treats
Until the day, change, they all gotta
You thought it was hell, it was on the poster
You never really knew, till you walked right through

It was different, so so different
Maybe they were, as long as negativity burned
It became the apple, it tore a new life
It was starting to get good, there was no strife
Until the year went by, and you gotta go
You said goodbye, and you promised you'd drop by

When you got back to your cliques, things modified
They no longer worked out, like it used to be right
And then you take the time, to get it all back
And when you do, you realise you have to pack
This time you're going back, you imagined it good
But things always change, and you underestimated and put
It was all good, just part and parcel of life
And when you understand, it's just a replaying drive

always waiting. -9:12 PM

The day you no longer care about people stabbing you, it's the day you allow yourself to love unconditionally.

always waiting. -4:09 AM

And when the day comes, when you throw a knife no one else could catch, I'll break it.

always waiting. -4:09 AM

Jack didn't scare/surprise people by staying in the box, you shouldn't either.

always waiting. -3:39 AM

Yes, the usual inner sickness. Get that every time, either when the times comes to leave for thailand, or the time comes to leave for singapore. It's a strange way my feelings work, or at least for a human. It's unusual to dread something you know that you'll enjoy, and then dread going back when you're enjoying whatever you dislike, or actually like. It'll be okay if it's the first time, you don't know any better. But having flown there and back a few million times... I can't say so much for myself. Instead of feeling helpless about it, it's finally time to organize thoughts, and start analysing, why this happens. This is gonna be a little hard since activities change every half a year. And even the house.

First off, WHY SINGAPORE?

- FRIENDS!
- home feeling?
- Convenience round the corner? (In Thailand, you have to drive wherever you wanna go, even if it's noodles at a roadside stall)
-Yeah, main thing is the awesome activites with friends, the bonds built I guess. The ability to smell the air, go wherever you like, on your own. (Not to mention I don't own a car in thailand so I can't drive anywhere anytime...)

WHY THAILAND?
- For some reasons, I'm gonna have to keep this a secret. Point #1, secret.
- Holy shit cool activities? Ice skating like every day for many hours? Karaoke anytime, full blast, mics and a big room. Freaking large mirrors and big space? Yeah, motorbike riding to the max. Dogs! Dogs had been an important part of my life. Not so much now huh.. Yes, I LOVE the house. Like a mini bungalow that's cheap, 2 levels, big, with a garden.
- It's almost out out and out.
- Time with dad? Family, togetherness <3
- The feeling of knowing school will NEVER, and I mean... NEVARRRRRR reach you whilst I'm in Thailand. Means, slack like hell.
- No idea, but forums? I tend to spend time at forums while on the computer in Thailand.

Kinda lost my mood here cause I can't share the point #1. It's like the most crucial point :)

But most importantly, I'm able to live with it, because I'm guaranteed a return to either locations sooner or later. The only problem I have, is underestimating the amount of changes Thailand can have every visit. (Pretty much explains the different activites every visit). Or maybe it just has something to do with age.

always waiting. -1:13 AM

I dislike most freelance subject teachers. They're supposed to develop students in that subject by expanding and exploring from their box, but instead, they usually fit them into the teachers' boxes themselves.

always waiting. -1:11 AM

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Hate the feeling when you like someone you shouldn't.

always waiting. -4:34 AM

The journey is through
and I can see the fool
Looking hard at me
With eyes dreary
It happened once
It happened twice
It was on replay
You get and pay
The experiences shared
Situations again read
Skilled in all
Master of none at all

always waiting. -1:16 AM

Monday, December 6, 2010

Abused my mind. My ability for critical thinking. Grinded logics as a kid. And now I don't enjoy my childhood. I don't want to be mature, I've seen how negative it is. Sticking to the stereotype, nope. No more.

always waiting. -1:51 AM

Saturday, December 4, 2010

So there was this void
it was in the middle of nowhere
pulled over back there
of town and I caught a glimpse
nothing was in the hole
but it seemed like lots of gold
Imagination must've played my mind
cause it started to grow

They said let's take a step
and what happens we'll see
I followed them because they said
I'm a weakling, I couldn't see
I could see my kins
pouring out to me their feelins
No matter how deep we went
we could still see our friend
Then fatigue took over
while my mates were sober
My eyes went for
a vacation I never saw
and the next thing I knew
there was no one I knew

So there I was
Drifting in nothingness
Wishing how I should've
listened stayed on earth
My family I missed
the girl I kissed
Maybe someday I will
just drop and find the field
but until then I kill
my hopes and pray with feel

always waiting. -5:18 AM

the one who waits.

Name:Sky
Bday:05/01

and they say

the forgotten memories.

June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009
October 2009
November 2009
December 2009
January 2010
February 2010
March 2010
April 2010
May 2010
June 2010
July 2010
August 2010
September 2010
October 2010
November 2010
December 2010
January 2011
February 2011
March 2011
March 2012
May 2014
June 2015

the music in my veins.

the roads that lead away.

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